I don't think there's really any way to say it except this -- breakups suck. Whether you are prepared for them, are the person doing the breaking up, or if you are blindsided by them, they just simply suck. We might pretend everything is ok and go through our days telling everyone that we are just fine, but friends know better. They know when we're lying to them and when we're lying to ourselves. Sophie Morgan details how her friends took care of her after a breakup in Diary of a Submissive.
I was partway through grating cheese for a batch of three-cheese scones when Thomas rang. He asked how I was. I said I was fine as I was long-since bored with trying to explain the ridiculous depth of my feeling to anyone else. And then he shocked me out of slicing lumps off a wheel of Wensleydale.
"Bollocks are you fine. You're not fine."
I didn't know what to say for a second; there was such fury and frustration in his tone. I went to say I was fine -- by this point it really was my default response -- and tailed off as it would appear we both knew I wasn't. Page 272
I've been through my fair share of breakups. I've had ones where I've been able to dust myself off pretty quickly. I've had others that took much longer to get past. I am familiar with the ugly cry. Through it all I had friends that stood by me, handed me tissues and -- once we were old enough -- glasses of wine. There are not many things that feel good immediately after a breakup but knowing that your friends are there is definitely one of them.
In high school, when every breakup hurt like nothing else had ever hurt before, my friends and I started a tradition. It's one that I took to college and beyond, although I can't quite remember how it started. It may have been because one of us cried about the fact that the guy who had just stomped on our heart was the first one that ever bought us flowers or because we sobbed that the jerk hadn't even done that. I know that we all felt like we'd never get flowers ever again. Hey! I said we were in high school. We were very good at drama. We were all rather independent types who could very well buy our own flowers, but it's not the same as someone else buying them for you. So anytime that one of us got our hearts stomped on, someone else would show up with a single pink rose.
I'm not really sure why we decided on a pink rose. I think red roses were just too stereotypically tied to romance. Pink seemed like a better colour to receive from a girlfriend. Since then I've looked into the symbolism of pink roses. There are many but some of the most common meanings associated with them are grace, gentility and joy. I believe that fits with what we were trying to say. We were telling each other that we are loved and cared for and that yes, we will find joy another day. We were telling each other that we weren't alone in our sadness.
How do you help friends through breakups? How have friends helped you through one?
BlogHer Book Club Host Karen Ballum also blogs at Sassymonkey and Sassymonkey Reads.